Not too long ago, I noticed with alarm: “I mostly hate my job.”
Hold on. Let me explain.
Everyone goes through periods of gray—times when you feel exhausted, apathetic, and like your feet are made of lead. These phases often come after a string of tough shifts or long clinic days, the days when stress piles on.
The good thing is that the grays are often juxtaposed with rainbows—dazzling moments when you feel light on your feet, excited to discuss cases, eager to get to the clinic, and genuinely loving the work you do.
I noticed that my rainbows were rapidly disappearing, and I was drowning in an ocean of gray.
That’s when the alarm bells started ringing.
If you’ve never experienced the gray before, let me tell you—it’s awful. It pulls you in deeper and deeper until you’re overwhelmed, and not a single ray of light can break through.
That’s when you start to hate your job. That’s when you begin to doubt your choices.
I realized I was heading in that direction, so I decided to make some changes. Here’s what I did:
Focus on People
A feeling of isolation is one of the main triggers for the gray. Connect with the people around you. Have lighthearted conversations with colleagues, share a joke, and take a moment to laugh. Building relationships at work gives you something to look forward to, even on the toughest days. When you enjoy the people around you, coming to work feels less like a burden and more like a shared experience.
Count the Wins
Someone once told me that Internal Medicine (my specialty) was depressing because “all our patients die.” That statement stuck with me, so I decided to step back and observe what was really happening around me. I paid closer attention during rounds, kept track of patient outcomes, and reflected on our impact. What I found was surprising—we discharged a lot of patients. We provided answers. We made meaningful interventions.
The problem was that we only counted the losses. The wins, no matter how significant, faded into the background. But they were there, and they mattered. I realized that by acknowledging every life saved, every symptom relieved, and every patient who left in better condition than when they arrived, I could reshape my perspective.
Do Something Else
Get an outlet unrelated to work. I picked up chess. Right now, I’m terrible at it, but the process of learning and improving gives my mind a break from work thoughts.
I also started writing—blogging, journaling, and working on some secret projects. These activities give me something to look forward to outside of work. When I walk around, my mind isn’t just occupied with medicine; it’s exploring stories, strategies, and creative ideas.
Pray
I’m a Christian, and I firmly believe in the power of prayer. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds me to bring my worries to God, and 1 Peter 5:7 tells me to cast my anxieties on Him because He cares for me. Prayer helps me find peace when everything feels overwhelming.
Music
I don’t think humanity fully understands what music is and what it does to us. The effect is truly otherworldly. A single song has the power to lift your spirits, shift your mood, and re-energize you. Combine it with dancing (privately, if you are as rhythmically challenged as me), and you have a surefire way to pick yourself up.
If you don’t already have one, create a playlist of your favorite “pick-me-up” songs. Play it when you feel drained, discouraged, or stuck in a rut. Let the rhythm and melody do their magic.
Small, intentional actions can make a world of difference when you are in the gray. I’m still figuring it out, and I'm sure you are too. Talk to someone if you are struggling. Breakthrough.
11 Comments
Absolutely relatable! And music? I call it my therapy.
ReplyDeleteOh I don't believe you are rhythmically challenged though 😂😂😂. You actually have very good dance moves!
This is great
I look for more of these!
Thank you for the dance encouragement 😂. I'm glad you enjoyed the article
DeleteI believe at a point in time everyone will get to experience "the gray-time".
ReplyDeleteLet me put it this way. I am on my second experience. With my first experience it was a different setting, so the feelings and how I manoeuvre was different. With my current "gray-time state", I make sure I prepare myself to meet the clients and how to relate to them. I always do that with conscious effort. Since smile is contagious I do my best to put a smile on their faces so I can also smile. I also make sure I get to work always charged although I can have energy level of 5%. I do my best to charge others. My colleagues don't understand why I am always happy and chatting with clients. The truth is, that brings me joy, it able to relax me. Routine work is so boring. I don't like sitting at a particular place for a long time. I keep questioning myself about my career choice. It get soo frustrating. Although I get to rotate as in, move from one department to another, you can be at a particular department for as long as four years doing a routine work. Same of us it affects our mental health. I think that is why we experience the gray-time. You have to be aware of the "gray-time" and development a mechanism on how to go about it when the time comes. I believe most people are aware but little to nothing is being done about it. Thanks for sharing.
Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for sharing your story. I admire the steps you have taken. I especially love the idea of putting smiles on people's faces and having it reflect in your own smile. That's lovely. I'm sure your comment will encourage many people.
DeleteThis was such an impactful read. One that truly resonates with me because I can definitely relate to a lot of the things you talked about in this post. It’s good to know how others are dealing with the not-so-comforting side of Medicine. Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable with us Dr Morhe. I love your writing
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. Thank you for reading.
DeleteI'm not a doctor , but I find this perspective enlightening. While many people say that we shouldn't focus on making friends at work, I agree that cultivating meaningful relationships with our colleagues can make a significant difference. When we genuinely enjoy the people we work with, going to work can become something to look forward to, rather than dread. So, let's appreciate and nurture those connections!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Dr Morhe!
Thank you for reading. I agree with you on work colleagues. There's nothing wrong with cultivating good, meaningful work relationships.
DeleteThis was very impactful. I've learned a lot from it. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great read Dr. Morhe. I've definitely had my share of the gray-time. Like you, I take it to the Lord in prayer and indulge in stuff outside of work
ReplyDeleteWow, I love the energy of this wisdom
ReplyDelete